I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
