my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
