After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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