if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
