He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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