she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
