my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
