He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
