i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
