i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
