I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
