I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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