Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
