you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
