dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize