The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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