If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize