My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
is it fun? or sober?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
