6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
