I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
