Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
