I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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