i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
