Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Someone came in the potted fern
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
