I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize