he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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