I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We need a shit load of segways right now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
