I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
