Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
