he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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