i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Drunk is not a location!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
