Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
