The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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