i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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