I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize