in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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