I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
