You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
