I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
