i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
