ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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