I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
