Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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