with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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