Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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