So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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