You're so nebulous sometimes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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