White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
