I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
