Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
