For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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