We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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