I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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