My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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