we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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