wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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