I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
where does the pee come out of this thing
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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