everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
